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        2. 當前位置:隨筆吧>日志>短篇小說> 遠遠的 無望的看著你

          遠遠的 無望的看著你

          透過健身房的落地四面鏡子,我仍然遠遠的,無望的看著你。

          今天,我們竟然都剪了頭發。

          莫名的小喜悅呲呲在心里冒出來,完全無法聽進去健身音樂,完全無法自控自己的四肢靈活運轉。

          昨天的你穿了藍色的緊身健身衣,我竟然發現你有一點點的駝背,讓我有點莫名的難受。

          今天你剪了利落的短發,前邊稍微上揚,不夸張,又很帥氣。 你又換回了一直很喜歡穿的黑色套頭衫和黑色運動褲,白色的運動鞋,我還是更喜歡這一身,和那些前排穿著運動背心的肌肉男相比,你總是有種度身事外的清冷。

          你不茍言笑,偶爾會帶眼鏡,不是傳統意義的美男子,但身上卻有種說不出的獨特氣質,有點拒人千里,也有點神秘。你和我一樣,也不喜歡做夸張的健美動作,當嫵媚的女老師讓大家舉手大聲喊加油的時候,你和我一樣,都是不自覺的把手背在后面,有些尷尬的看著窗外。

          窗外的葉子已經盡數脫落,就像我的心,從夏天的密茂繁生,到秋天的瑟瑟抖落,再到冬天的赤裸無望。 春天永遠不會來。在我看到她陪伴你的那天起,我就知道,春天永遠不會來。

          我想不透的是我自己,為何沒有去選擇逃離這里,還是每天的,遠遠的,無望的看著你。

          記不起是什么時候開始,我發現我會偷偷的看著你,有時候是在你的身后,有時候是在你的左邊右邊,更多,是在那些四面的鏡子里。

          也許是那一次的新年祈愿,健身老師讓大家寫出新年目標和愿望,然后抽簽念出來。

          偏偏抽到了我,我隱約記得我寫的是,新年能更好的做自己,不在乎別人的想法,為了自己而活。老師并沒有念出名字,但我感覺旁邊的你卻看了看我。 這種類似靈犀的東西,我從來沒有相信過,但是那天你看向我的瞬間,在對視的瞬間,我卻感到了心里的一股巨流涌向全身,想發抖,想克制,想哭,想笑。

          那之后的每一天我開始有意識的會看看你,偶爾我們會對視,但大部分時會找不到你的目光,你看窗外,看老師,眼神飄渺時候似乎更多。

          我開始意識到,你也許和我一樣,是在鏡子里尋找一個人,但不是我。

          新年之后,我時隔一個月再去的時候,你身邊多了一個綠色健身衣的女子,不是女孩,是女人。

          你們相互對望的時候,讓我感覺不是情侶,而更像是青梅竹馬,或者更像是老夫老妻。

          她只是偶爾來,不專心也不認真,感覺更像是被你強制的拖來。 你們甚至也不對話,但我會撲捉到你和她的眼神,比牽手和擁抱更讓我絕望的眼神。

          我捫心自問過,我想要的是什么。 毫無答案。

          或者我只是想要一種感覺,一種讓人忘記成年以后經歷了這個骯臟的社會以后,再也找不到的心動感覺。

          今天,明天,我仍然會是來這里,遠遠的看你,并在心里默默的感恩,這里有你。

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