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        2. 當前位置:隨筆吧>小說>情感故事> 你喜歡的人,終究是個凡人

          你喜歡的人,終究是個凡人

          01

          就在春節的最后一天,媽媽突然神秘兮兮地把我拉到一邊,還露出一種犯錯少女的表情,壓低聲音說。

          “兒啊,我對不起你,我以后再也不幫你張羅相親了。”

          我一臉懵圈地看著我媽,心中疑惑:這個春節,沒見她安排誰和我見面啊!

          媽媽接著說:“媛姨有個朋友家有個閨女,開著一家小型廣告公司,人又漂亮,爹媽我見了,非常好相處,就是歲數大你四歲。”

          我連忙讓我媽打住,我都三十歲的人了,還大我四歲,會不會有點.......

          話還沒說完,我媽捶胸頓足地說:“兒啊,我對不起你啊,我和她爹媽定好這周見面的,但閨女死活看不上你,說你太平凡了!”

          有句話叫,相親是一場自取其辱,果然被說中了。但“平凡”這個詞,對我始終有點刺耳了。

          “那她希望什么樣的條件,才能算是不平凡呢?”

          媽媽搖了搖頭,據說這個問題,她父母加介紹人逼問了一個晚上都沒有答案。

          這個世界上,沒有什么比“總要找一個不平凡的人”,還要平凡的事了。

          媽媽很生氣,對這件事痛批了半個小時,我暗自慶幸,我再也不用相親!不過我最后還是告訴媽媽,不要過分譴責那個女生。

          愛情轉移里說:我們生來都是平凡的命,卻染上不將就的病。這或許就是當代人的情感寫照吧。

          其實,這也不能算是病,感情多數時候是強大的,無論疾病、貧窮、距離甚至時光,它唯獨在面對一件事時非常脆弱,那就是平凡。

          02

          都說女人心海底針,尤其什么樣的人能成為女生的意中人,連最偉大的心理學家弗洛伊德都對這個問題束手無策。

          但現代心理學家,還是堅持使用科學的研究方法,來探討女性的擇偶觀,實驗的樣本大多抽取20-33歲的未婚女性,而實驗的結論,卻與我們的傳統觀念不大相同。

          心理學家發現,女性在擇偶決策上最重視的8條線索依次為:性格、健康、責任心、外貌、發展前途、住房與經濟條件,受教育程度。

          這個結論與以往國內外學者的結論大體一致,但實驗人員還為參與者設置了另外一個測試,那就是讓女生在時間緊迫的條件下,對擇偶條件的重新選擇,然后對比她們的加工深度。

          結果,外貌的重視程度從第四上升到第二,住房和經濟條件從倒數上升到第三,而發展前途則從中間變為墊底。

          為什么會這樣呢?中國傳統文化都提倡“重品性、輕色相”,“面包我有,你給我愛情就好”,“男人要找潛力股,有錢人花心”。

          這樣的觀念,讓女性的擇偶觀變得更加富有精神意義,但也把女性一些真正的需求壓抑了下來,她們對外表達的擇偶觀點就變得具有防御性。

          當選擇時間緊迫時,女性的這一防御機制被削弱了,于是她們流露出自己的“內隱”想法,在這個想法里,女性更需要男性“有顏值、有錢、有承諾”。

          多數研究者認為,這個“內隱”的想法才是女生最真實的愿望,但作者有自己的理解。

          作者理解是:每個女生對自己的“白馬王子”有不同的標準,但受到社會文化和親近人觀點影響后,她們的標準被扭曲或者掩蓋了,無論是“外顯”還是“內隱”的想法,都不是她們真正的需求。

          其實女生并不完全清楚自己想要什么。有一點可以肯定的,無論何種條件,女生都重視男生的性格,而性格中她們最重視的字眼莫過于“承諾”,也就是說女生了解男生的性格,是為了判斷這個男生是否可以托付終身。

          實驗中,女生對“性格”這個標簽的點擊很高,但加工時間很長。我想,也許女生并不明白什么樣的性格才是靠譜?

          千依百順的好男人行嗎?不行,沒有哪個女生愿意當一輩子女強人。激情萬丈的壞男人行嗎?不行,這樣的人容易出軌。

          這樣的兩難選擇讓女性糾結而困惑,但“外貌”“經濟”這樣的因素就好加工和判斷的多,這時就成了影響擇偶的重要因素。

          實驗有一個結論會讓天下男生失望,女生對“發展前景”(也就是男生口中的潛力股)很難抉擇,她們會在這個按鈕前思考很長時間,但很少有人會按下按鈕仔細了解。

          我理解,很少有女生愿意拿自己的未來,在一件復雜又不確定的事情上豪賭。

          03

          實驗還有一個有趣的地方。

          當女性參與者給出自己條件后,系統會根據條件,為她們匹配一些“候選人”。

          而候選人較多時,女性是不滿意,她們會調高條件來減少候選人人數,哪怕候選人的顏值和身份都還不錯。

          也就是說,女生在擺出了自己的條件后,她們希望自己的候選人少而精,甚至唯一。

          為什么紫霞喜歡英雄,或許就是這個原因吧。但至尊寶有一天真的不平凡了,他駕著七彩祥云,來當你夢中的大英雄。

          只可惜姑娘們忘了一件事,一旦他帶上了金箍,他真的愛不了你。在齊天大圣的心中,他真的寧愿做一條狗。

          誠然現實生活中,沒有哪個姑娘的擇偶過程是在實驗室里做出來的。

          不過我可以肯定,在“內隱”和“外顯”的矛盾里,在“少而精”這種浪漫卻不理性的條件下,姑娘們在一次次無情的篩選中,早已沒有心力去等待或者愛上一個“蓋世英雄”。

          畢竟你是個凡人,渴了要喝水,累了要睡覺,痛了大概也會放手吧!

          04

          實驗告訴我們:白馬王子長什么樣?這個問題也許根本沒有答案,甚至不會有答案了。

          假如你真喜歡一個人,不如為他鍍上金身吧,畢竟你生命中能邂逅的大多是平凡人。但不同的是,我們不會在平凡中沉淪。

          遙說:每個人的生活同樣也是一個世界。即使最平凡的人,也得要為他那個世界的存在而戰斗。從這個意義上說,在這些平凡的世界里,也沒有一天是平靜的。

          也許你喜歡的人,終究是個平凡人。他唯一的特殊就是,無論他在你身邊或者離開,他都可以為你擋著人山人海,仿佛你的眼里只能看到他,又好像你的靈魂中殘缺了那么一塊只能被他補齊。

          當你能愛的時候,就大膽地去愛吧,因為愛這件事,本身就只能猜到開頭,卻猜不到結尾。(文/劍圣喵大師,微信公眾號/劍圣喵大師,id/swordpain)

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